On top of this, you want to afford your sub the freedom to choose to break your rules. They will be punished as a result, but that is always their choice to make. But you need to know if they are breaking your rule out of rebellion, or out of lack of respect for your authority. This is one reason you should be very careful when making rules.
Use Honesty as a Weapon
Honesty doesn’t have to be all hard work. It’s the best weapon for any man, but especially those who aren’t extremely confident being vocal while in a scene. Many men are quiet during sex, or don’t know what to say, causing them to resort to repeating lines from the past, or sounding like an actor in some porno from the early 90’s.
Instead of stressing about what to say, just lean on honesty. When you have the notion to say something, but aren’t sure what, stop thinking and say the absolute most honest thing you can possibly think of in that moment.
Instead of saying "yeah baby, suck it", you’ll have more effect blurting out your most honest thoughts "you look so unbelievably sexy right now on your knees. I can’t wait to watch you gag on my dick."
You’re typically having to ignore these thoughts to try and think of something to say. Instead just say what’s on your mind "ohh my god I can’t believe you’re here in my bed. I have jerked off thinking about this moment for months."
Honesty is hot. And when your words come from a place of honesty, they will be heard and accepted. No girl has ever been impressed by hearing a man tell her she looks hot. But she will find herself smiling about that guy who told her he had to come over to tell her she’s the prettiest thing he has seen all day.
One Last Pro Tip
In my article Words Matter, Speak with Purpose, I talked about the power of words, and the importance of choosing the best words for the situation. This may seem to be at odds with the honesty approach, but they actually join together beautifully.
A good Dom is always prepared. Part of this preparation can be planning wordings for future use. Here’s how it works:
You know of a scenario that will be happening to you in the near future.
You know from experience how you will likely be feeling in that moment.
You can plan a powerful grouping of words fitting that feeling you anticipate.
When the moment comes, and you feel as you had anticipated, you can deliver your planned wording with full honesty in the moment.
The catch is your planning will go entirely to waste if you don’t encounter the situation, or feel differently than you had anticipated when it comes. Don’t worry about it, just abandon the plan and default back to honesty instead.
If you make it a point to make your interactions with your subs, and potential new subs, you will see a marked improvement in the quality of your relationships and your skills as a Dom.
It’s scary, but it’s easier than you think, and it will benefit every single person, regardless of circumstance.
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