She'll just think God is mocking her for her disbelief and lack of faith. Instead of embracing you and accepting Bella as her long lost daughter, she'll recoil in horror. Believe me, this news will drive your mother over the edge and into a world of insanity."
That's what Daddy told us and now we kind of wish we had believed him because that is exactly what happened.
When we told Mom, she didn't believe us and when we tried to prove that Bella was alive and living in me, she got angry and hostile. She blamed Dad for putting us up to telling her such a ridiculous and horrible lie. Then she turned away from us and refused to look at us again. In fact, she turned away from everyone and everything.
Locking herself in her room, mom turned off the lights and sat in the darkness weeping. When the ambulance came she didn't fight or protest. She thank them for coming and told the doctors that she deserved to be locked away. That she had been a bad mother and it was God's will that she be punished.
It's been twenty years since mom was committed and now that we are older, Bell and I understand what happened. Mom couldn't accept us. She didn't see us as a chance to have what she had given up. She saw us as proof that her lack of faith was being punished She refused to accept our forgiveness and instead chose to let her guilt and fear turn her life into a living hell.
Bell and I don't know too much about God or about hell, but we feel that if there is a God, He is not about guilt and punishment; He is about hope and compassion. Our own existence proves that. And hell, if there is such a place, its not a fiery pit in the bows of the earth. It's a place deep within us where we store all the pain and guilt that we've created for ourselves.
We visit mom every other weekend but she refuses to receive us. When they bring her to the visitors area, she hides in a dark corner and covers her face. We know she can see us because she tracks our every move with her red swollen eyes, but when we hold out our arms to let her know that we welcome her into our embrace, she shivers and turns away.
Anna and I wanted to help mom more than anything else in the world, but mom's fate was out of our hands. We were not responsible for her condition nor was it God's will. Too many people see God's will or an attempt to defy His will as a cause for everything they can't explain. The fact is that nobody knows God's will and even if they did, there is no way anyone could possibly defy it.
No, mom's sin wasn't that she defied God, but rather that she denied herself the power of forgiveness. We all have free will and with that the ability to chose our fate. Mom chose to abandon all hope that she could ever be forgiven. With that abdication she also gave up all hope that she would ever escape from that personal hell in which she kept herself imprisoned.
THE END
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